Over the past year or so, I have been blessed with the opportunity to attend a number of beautiful Catholic weddings. Most of my close friends (and some of my siblings) are now of a marrying age, and it has been a joy to see many of them starting new lives with their spouses.
These weddings feel somewhat like priestly ordinations, not only due to the religious fervor these couples display, but also because of the overwhelming sense that bride and groom are uniting to accomplish a particular mission: to pursue Christ and spread the Gospel, help each other get to heaven, and raise a family that will love and serves God in this life and will worship him forever in the next. Their love is free, total, faithful and fruitful. They trust in the church’s teaching and are open to life, knowing that if they are generous with the Lord, he will be generous with them. These couples are intentionally choosing to walk towards Christ, together.
These weddings have been stunning from a liturgical perspective, with the readings, music, and even presiders being selected with great intentionality. Several couples observed a tradition where their first act following their vows is to present flowers to a statue of the Blessed Mother while a Marian antiphon or the litany of the saints is sung. The focus of the wedding Mass is on the couple, yes, but much more so on Christ. It is seen as an opportunity to evangelize, bringing the beauty of Catholicism to friends and family who have perhaps never experienced the faith presented in such a compelling way.
However, in the midst of the joy and celebration that comes with each wedding I attend, I am struck by the countercultural witness of these marriages. These couples are young, either in their 20s or late teens. They don’t have their lives completely “figured out.” They don’t have much money. Some are still in college. To our modern culture, the idea of binding yourself permanently to another human being is absurd. To do so under such conditions seems like madness. In a society where promiscuity and pornography are rampant, the decision to get married at all may well represent a countercultural embrace of the wisdom of the church. Marriage comes with sacrifices that are not found in the casual sexual activity promoted by our hedonistic society, but as St. Maximilian Kolbe reminds us, “without sacrifice, there is no love.” If to love is to will the good of the other, then it requires dying to one’s own desires for the sake of that other. A wholehearted embrace of the sacrament of marriage and all that it entails indicates a desire to love selflessly and completely.
Culturally, marriage used to be part of the assumed order of things. One grew up, got married, and started a family. Certain remarkable young men might become priests, and certain prayerful women might enter a convent, but marriage was the “normal” vocation. Even now, we might be tempted to assume that the weddings I described above are part of a broader norm. However, a quick glance at statistics regarding marriage rates among the current generations shows that this is simply untrue. It is unusual for young people to get married, stay married, and raise their children in the faith. The weddings I’ve attended are signs of hope and encouragement, but intentional Catholic marriage is now an exception rather than a rule.
There is much talk today about the “vocations crisis,” both in our own diocese and in the American church more broadly. However, this term usually only refers to a shortage of young men pursuing priesthood. I suggest the situation is even more dire: We also lack holy, Catholic marriages. Where will vocations to the priesthood and religious life come from if not from loving Catholic homes? In order to discern the priesthood, one must first see it as something that is worth pursuing. In a culture that is hostile to such a radical calling, such an attitude must first be modeled by one’s parents. To this end, the Second Vatican Council noted that Catholic parents ought to be “the first heralds of the faith with regard to their children,” encouraging them “in the vocation which is proper to each child, [and] fostering with special care any religious vocation.” In dioceses across America, an increase in priestly vocations is prayed for at every Sunday Mass, but perhaps we would also do well to petition our Lord for a revival in holy, faithful Catholic marriages. In embracing the sacrament of matrimony, young couples are charting a course that runs counter to the broader culture, and thus our prayers and support are badly needed.
Pope St. John Paul II observed that “man can only find himself through a sincere gift of himself.” The church desperately need models of this selflessness, not only in her priests, religious, missionaries, and other “professional” holy people, but also in married men and women. Let us pray for our children and young adults, that they might be prepared to love selflessly in whatever vocation God calls them to. Let us pray for married couples, that together they might pursue Christ in fidelity to the church, and so lead their children to heaven. And may God be pleased to send us a revival of the sacrament of matrimony, that by giving of themselves to each other, young people might give themselves more fully to him.
A graduate of UW-Superior, Aidan Jones is pursuing a master’s degree in classical education at Hillsdale College. More of his work can be found at aidancharlesjones.com.
Aidan Jones
