Director of the Office of Evangelization and Missionary Discipleship Chris Hurtubise (third from right) and Fr. David Neuschwander, (far right) Director of the Office of Vocations and pastor of the Hayward cluster of parishes, chat with vendors at the Trinity Woods table at Fall Conference. (Catholic Herald photo by Anita Draper)

Anita Draper
Catholic Herald staff

“Small Groups, Big Impact: How to Have Fruitful Small Groups” was the title of Tiffany Topel’s first afternoon breakout session at the Diocese of Superior’s Fall Conference on Oct. 24 at St. Joseph in Rice Lake.

Employed by Life Teen, Topel was a director of religious education and a youth minister for 19 years in the Diocese of Madison.

She opened the session with a prayer and an icebreaker. About 25 attendees were seated in rows, and she asked them to rearrange themselves, from left to right, by first name, then by birth month, by height and by geographic location.
Small groups are the hardest part to master in youth ministry, Topel said. The purpose of small-group interaction is to facilitate processing and deep thinking, to offer encouragement and to cultivate connection and trust.

Leaders of small groups should begin by being prepared – read the questions ahead of time and pray for the group.
Seating matters, she observed; Topel lets teens seat themselves, then positions herself between the chattiest teens, always at eye level.

Begin with the end in mind, Topel continued. The goal is to build trust; she advises having eight to 10 members in a group. Jesus had 12 and he lost one – if 11 was the maximum number for the king of the universe, it’s the max for us, she said.

Topel shared a few methods for breaking large groups into small groups, including handing out colored papers and varying the counting to ensure teens don’t always end up with their friends.

Middle school and high school groups vary in their attention spans and their interpersonal connection skills, she advised. Middle-schoolers have a 7-8 minute attention span – the same as goldfish – so their meetings should always include an activity and age-appropriate expectations.

High school students, on the other hand, need a deeper connection. They can challenge their leaders intellectually and contextualize real-life scenarios.

Topel opens small-group meetings with a prayer, followed by a going around the group with a “whip-around question” – an open-ended query such as “If you were a superhero, which one would you be?” In her groups, they propose a question, pause to think, discuss conclusions and then move on to the next question.

Sometimes there is silence, and it feels awkward, but Topel advises, “Embrace that awkwardness. Give them some time to think and let those thoughts come in their minds.”

At the end of a small group, she sometimes challenges teens to do something specific in the week ahead, and she invites them to jot down a prayer intention.

A good small-group leader is able to connect with students by being authentic, she said, “not perfect.” Aim for a “slow drip” of information, “versus a fire hose”: “You can’t pass it all on.”

Adult leaders should also connect with students before and after the meeting and exhibit a healthy level of vulnerability – when a teen has a question about Catholicism the leader can’t answer, she advises using the Catechism of the Catholic Church, Catholic Answers and other legitimate sources for research, and doing it in front of students.

“Don’t make up answers,” she emphasized, and share information with intentionality: “Don’t worry about telling them everything they need to know about the church all at once.”

Topel referenced three works – Joy of the Gospel by Pope Francis; “Sharing the Gospel with Our Lives” by Dcn. Bob Rice; and “3 Big Questions that Change every Teenager” by Kara Powell and Brad Griffin.

She highlighted the human need to be “known, seen and loved,” from Pope Francis’ apostolic exhortation; five things every teenager has a right to know, from Dcn. Rice; and a line from Powell: “Being heard is so close to being loved that for the average person, they are almost the same.”

Acknowledging that if there’s a hundred teens in a group, you are not going to reach all of them – “Obviously we cannot impact everyone in our program” – Topel noted how Jesus spoke to large crowds, but maintained a small group of Apostles and had the closest relationship with Peter, James and John. She advised investing in the most engaged teens and focusing on reaching a small group over the whole crowd.

After leading attendees in a guided meditation on John 21:1-14, Jesus’ third appearance after his death, in which he helps his Apostles catch fish and then eats with them, Topel likes the line, “Jesus ate breakfast.”

“Small groups don’t need to be complicated,” she added. “The simple things mean a lot to young people.”

Referring to the questions all teens have – who am I, what am I here for, what is my purpose, where do I belong – Topel reviewed the latest statistics, which teens are leaving the church at 12 or 13 years. They may still be coming to faith formation classes, she added, but they are already deciding church isn’t for them.

After showing a video on teens’ constant need for affirmation, Topel emphasized the value of questions: They create engagement rather than passive listening; they honor the dignity and freedom of the other person; and they help people discover truth for themselves.

Taking her cue from Jesus, who often responded with questions, Topel advised leaders to ask open-ended questions. Good questions are curiosity-driven, non-judgmental, specific, emotionally attuned and reflective.

“Teens don’t want to be lectured or told what to do,” she said, and then she paired up attendees for a listening exercise. Each partner talked, uninterrupted, for three minutes, and then listened for three minutes.

“Remember this feeling of being heard,” she added, and “take that back.”

She posed two questions to youth ministers: “Can you be okay not seeing the results?” and “Can you let Jesus be the savior and you just the companion?”

Topel ended with the “Litany of the Tired Heart,” a prayer for renewal.

Five things every teenager has a right to know

Dcn. Bob Rice

1. There is a God who is passionately in love with you.
2. There is a mercy greater than any sin you can ever commit.
3. There is a truth more satisfying than any lie you can ever believe.
4. There is no greater adventure than being a disciple of Jesus Christ.
5. And there is no place you are more greatly needed than in his Church.

From “Sharing the Gospel with our Lives”